We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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