Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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