you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
