I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
