hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
