weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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