i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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