All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
