I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
