Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
