He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
