i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude. I can hear the air.
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