omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
