i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize