I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
