We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
