apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
