one might say we're banned from that church
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
