i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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