You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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