Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
