dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
