he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
