the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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