I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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