why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
