i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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