I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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