we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
