I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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