It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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