Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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