I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
