Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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