Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
