I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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