Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
