He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize