we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
