just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
