Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
