He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
