college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
