2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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