I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this will be a night to untag.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
