you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
honey bunches of taint.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
