My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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