so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize