put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
