I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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