He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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