john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
