oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
