So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
