when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
