you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
