Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
