I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
