that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
