I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
