Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
