Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
