He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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