By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
