My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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