I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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