literally had 100 drinks last night.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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