Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
